Dear Abby: How do I tell my in-laws they can’t stop by whenever they want?
My husband and I are celebrating our second anniversary. Overall, we are very happy and he is my best friend. His family is wonderful and welcomed me warmly. However, they are very clingy and do not respect boundaries.
We recently moved to a bigger home closer to his family but farther from mine. Since then, they frequently drop by unannounced, often at inconvenient moments, like when I’m plating dinner.
His mother has been told multiple times that we prefer privacy and don’t like many visitors, but she continues coming over uninvited. She also tries to organize parties at our house and talks about installing a pool, despite our repeated refusals.
Whenever one family member arrives, two or three more almost always follow. After we moved in, my family visited briefly, but soon his entire extended family showed up and overwhelmed the gathering, leaving my family with little chance to properly visit or see the new home.
Abby's Response
When you married into your husband’s family, they welcomed you as one of their own. If I read your letter correctly, they view you as family and your own family as blended into theirs.
Author's summary: The challenge of balancing boundaries with in-laws who view you as family requires clear communication and firm limits to protect your personal space and relationships.