From the Memoir: Malala Recounts Her First Visit to Pakistan After the Attempt on Her Life
An excerpt from Finding My Way by Malala Yousafzai.
When I arrived in Birmingham for spring break, I told my dad we needed to go to Pakistan. If my college friends could visit the country on their holidays, I should have that right as well. I was growing impatient; it felt like if it didn’t happen now, it never would.
“Let’s put it off until summer,” he said.
“If you want to wait, that’s fine. I’ll go on my own,” I responded, with a dare in my voice. “I will book my own flight, leave this house in a cab, and call Moniba when I land to pick me up.”
Deep down, I knew I wasn’t that bold, but I wasn’t sure my dad knew it—so that might give me some leverage.
Every time, the same answer came back to us: “It’s not the right moment for Malala’s return.” My dad had heard it so often that I worried he was giving up.
“It will never be the ‘right’ moment!” I railed, trying to infect him with my indignation. “I am a Pakistani citizen with a valid passport. And they have no grounds to stop me.”
I sounded angry, but inside, my heart was breaking. At 24 Obs, I’d experienced more reminders of home—food, music, sports, language—in a few weeks than in the past five years.
That reawakening felt painful, like blood rushing back into numbed limbs. I was done with stalking my old friends on Facebook, done with walking the streets through Google Maps. I couldn’t keep dreaming of home at night and waking up disoriented every morning.
Author’s summary: Malala shares her restless longing for Pakistan and the emotional struggle of waiting for the right time to return after the attack on her life.